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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28359435">Wilting Lotus</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/JebbaPeppa/pseuds/JebbaPeppa'>JebbaPeppa</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Let's Suffer Some More [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Cyberpunk 2077 (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Feels, Blood and Injury, Dealing With Your Mortality So You Go See Your Boyfriend, M/M, Tags May Change</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 22:00:15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,317</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28359435</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/JebbaPeppa/pseuds/JebbaPeppa</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>V goes to the one place where he feels safe, and scares the shit out of River in the process.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Johnny Silverhand &amp; V, Male V/River Ward</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Let's Suffer Some More [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2260130</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>132</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I accidentally found out that all you need is a female body type to romance River. So my beanpole, fashion-forward Male V actually got a love interest my first playthrough and I'm obsessed with both of them!       </p><p>                                   ヽ( ´￢`)ノ</p><p>This was edited religiously by me and me only, so if you spot any mistakes that aren't stylistic choices I'm sorry.</p><p>  Also, don't look up "wilting lotus flower" if you have trypophobia. I'm literally dying rn.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/><p>  The trailer park brought flashes of memory to the forefront of V's mind.</p><p>  Beneath the vast open sky, along the endless miles of open desert—he recalled the clinking of beer bottles when the family gathered to celebrate by getting smashed out of their minds. The startling cough, rumble, and purr of his old Javelina. The crackling of the fire that wasn't so dissimilar to the tinnitus of the relic malfunctioning, burning out his neurons and replacing them with those fit to host the construct.</p><p>   The trailer park reminded him of mostly happy things, comforting things that lessened the growing headache that pierced his skull. He could feel a cough coming on as his boots dragged across the dirt to a familiar trailer. One he'd only visited twice, but already felt at home with the family it housed.</p><p>   The night was clear. Bright. Lit well enough that V was surprised it took so long for River to notice him from the porch. There was a belated sort of ache in V's chest when he realized it was probably nightmares keeping him up again. River worked too hard, worried too much. He deserved a little more rest than he allowed himself. It was this thought that had V reconsidering showing up at his place unannounced.</p><p>   River didn't need to see him like this.</p><p>   But V was selfish. He wanted to see River. They hadn't spent enough time together and it had been weeks since they messaged each other about having dinner again. A second meeting. Round two. <em>Something.</em></p><p>   V didn't have time to spare for this kind of shit, he knew this, the voice in his head was constantly reminding him. He should have told River from the start that he couldn't plan for the future. But V was selfish.</p><p>    The screen tearing was starting up again, Kiroshis flashing with an error code and roiling V's gut. Pain. Stinging pain. Static.</p><p>   Johnny was scarily quiet.</p><p>   Arms were there to catch him when his knees buckled and he couldn't hold himself up anymore. The blood spraying from his lips as the coughing began stuck to the strands of hair making their way into his mouth, the red stark and perturbing against the pale blue curtain clinging to his forehead and cheeks.</p><p>   He could feel the startup of a nosebleed coming.</p><p>   "V! Hey, can you hear me?" A voice cut through the ringing in his ears and his pained groaning. "C'mon. Talk to me, Gorgeous." There was a slight tapping on his cheek that got a little firmer with each contact.</p><p>   '<em>Don't close your eyes' </em>came a voice from somewhere beyond, then the <strong><em>tap tap tap </em></strong>of River's flesh hand against his cheek. That's fair. He could do that, stay awake while the attack passed.</p><p>   "Wanted to see you." The words were strained as the static fizzled out and his optics refocused. Talking helped only the slightest bit. Mildly distracted from the pain, the imminent doom, his inevitable death, and replacement.</p><p>   The attack was beginning to subside, the pain easing just slightly. His head was killing him. Fuck. The irony in that statement was fucking morbid.</p><p>   "Like this? You came all this way like this?" And V may have been a little delirious but he could tell that River was just shy of panic. He usually spoke so softly, so quiet V could probably fall asleep to the man just talking about the weather. Now, River's voice was too loud in his ears. Shaking in a way that made V feel like an asshole for showing up in this condition.</p><p>     "Nah... I don't drive while having a malfunction." He tried to laugh, but it only made his chest burn.</p><p>    "I'm gonna get you some help," Unsurprisingly, it was easy for River to gather V up in his arms, tiny as he was. They were feet from River's truck when V lifted his arms to wrap around his neck, hoarsely mumbling into his collarbone.</p><p>   "No. It's fine."</p><p>   But River ignored him and threw open the passenger door, making quick work of settling V into the seat.</p><p>   "River...Don't. I'm fine." V said more firmly, a little irked at being manhandled into the truck like a ragdoll.</p><p>   River sighed, it was a heavy thing that tremored at the edges, but V was thankful that he paused fumbling around with the seatbelt to look him in the eye.</p><p>   "You look like you're fucking dying, V." He wasn't yelling, River never raised his voice at V. But he wasn't zen either. There was an urgent question hanging up there with his words. Somewhere. And V knew what it was, but he couldn't rightly tell River the truth. Not yet.</p><p>   "I wanted to see you," V told him instead, it was at least <em><strong>a </strong></em>truth, "I haven't had time for you since that night and—"</p><p>    River's expression crumpled and V was horrified that he didn't know why.</p><p>    "River—Agh!"</p><p>    The tinnitus returned full force, a headache splitting his brain in two. Sticky warmth was trickling from his nostrils and dripping onto his chin as he raised a hand to hold his bowing body up against the dashboard.</p><p>   With a hand buried in his hair, tight grip threatening to pop the strands from his scalp, V allowed River to push him back into the passenger's seat. He didn't even know he'd started slipping out of it.</p><p>   "Gotta get you to a ripperdoc."</p><p>    "N-No ripperdoc. It'll pass."<br/><br/>   Even if it was on its way out, the headache did not pass quick enough for River's liking.</p><p>    "<em><strong>V</strong></em>." River swore under his breath in a tone V recalled bearing witness to only once. Randy had still been missing and feared dead at the time.</p><p>     "A ripper won't help, River. Please, take me inside?"</p><p>    "What the hell are you—" River furrowed his brow, looking more troubled and confused than V had ever seen him. The guy always looked like he had a handle on life, no matter how lax a grip, like he knew a million different ways to tackle a problem and always come out with a solution. River was a sturdy, solid buffer that V had welcomed into his life with open arms. A respite from the growing trail of bodies, pain, and dread. Another reason why he needed to come see him. He was a little distressed to see the mask chip and fall away like that.</p><p>    River looked so...sad. Defeated.</p><p>     Like he knew.</p><p>   V opened his mouth and promptly choked on whatever he was going to say, an emotion he'd been suppressing for weeks bubbling up and clogging his throat. He could feel his face twisting up with the agony of it.</p><p>    "You have to talk to me," said River as he leaned over V's lap and fumbled around in the glove box for something V couldn't see. After a bout of cursing, River made a noise of triumph, and a small rag of questionable sanitation was brought up to wipe away the blood drying on V's upper lip and chin.</p><p>    "I already told you, it's fi—"</p><p>   "Why do we always have to start serious conversations like this?"</p><p>   "With one of us bullshitting the other?" V guessed. The smallest of smiles tugged at the corners of his mouth, "Get called out, bullshit some more, then we finally unload the emotional constipation?"</p><p>    River's brow was still bunched with worry, his eyes flitting all over V's form, probably checking for any damage he hadn't previously seen. But he still smiled big and true at the poor attempt at a joke. V had never been one to describe someone's smile before, but there were a few people he made exceptions for in nearly every regard. River had a serene sort of smile. A pretty smile.</p><p>   He supposed Jackie also had one of those smiles V somehow loved. He grinned so hugely that his flesh struggled to compensate for the wiring in his face. It was disgustingly contagious, too. That smile got V on board with so many gonk sounding jobs and schemes way too often.</p><p>   Evelyn's little simper, too. The flash of teeth and the gentle curve of lips cut through her serious demeanor like a hot knife through butter. She didn't look like she did a lot of smiling just to smile. Like she had anything be happy about so genuinely. He hadn't known her long, but he'd grown to care about her on some level. It's a shame what happened to her. She didn't deserve...</p><p>    "...water? Hey, you there?" V blinked and River's concerned face filled his vision.</p><p>   "Shit, sorry," V rasped, his waning strength forcing him to let River hold him up since he apparently had the same stability as wet dough, "I'm just...tired."</p><p>    "Not on your way out, right?" The question frightened V. Sent a thin strip of monowire to wrap around his gut and squeeze.</p><p>     "No, <strong><em>no</em></strong>, I just—need sleep. I need to rest for a while." Maybe if he drilled it into someone else's head that he wasn't rapidly fading away and unraveling at the seams, he could believe it himself.</p><p>     "Then you'll tell me what's going on?"</p><p>    Like he wasn't unintentionally throwing around ultimatums, River didn't wait for V to answer. Just hooked his arms under his knees and back and pulled him close to carry him to the trailer.</p><p>    "Just gotta...sleep."</p><p>    "Go ahead, I gotcha."</p><p>     V barely made it to the porch before he clocked out.</p><p>    ******<br/>   <br/>     When V came to, he was in bed, a blanket pulled up to his shoulders. He opened his bleary eyes to the sight of Johnny Silverhand, a scowl on his face as he stared at V from his place against the bedroom wall.</p><p>   '<em>Funny seeing you here,' </em>V said to him, partially intending to be light about it and failing. He noted the weight of an arm wrapped snug over his waist, a broad chest rising and falling steadily, placing River at his back.</p><p>    '<em>When you suddenly decided that a nightcap was a good idea, I thought I'd give you some privacy.' </em>Johnny drawled, he sounded distant.</p><p>    <em>'Like either of us have that anymore.'</em></p><p>    Johnny made an agreeing noise, crossing his arms as he broke eye contact to focus on something at the far side of the room, '<em>Still,'</em> his cybernetic hand came up, pulled the glasses from his face then fell to hang over his flesh arm, just dangling there, <em>'There's a lot of shit going on in your head. The lines are blurring, V. For a minute I thought I was the one scared half to death.'</em></p><p>   V didn't respond, waiting for him to elaborate but that was all the clarity Johnny was willing to give.</p><p>   <em>'The bastard sat there crouched over your side of the bed for an hour making sure you didn't die in your sleep.'</em></p><p>   V felt a strange mix of surprise and guilt at those words. Then with shame, he remembered the look on River's face when his vision was clear enough to make out the fear there. V must've looked worse off than he felt if it were that much cause for concern.</p><p>    '<em>You made a call. Prioritized making sure you saw someone you loved one last time before you checked out. Can't blame you for that.'</em><br/>  <br/>   <em>'I didn't think I was gonna die, Johnny.'</em></p><p>   <em>'Bullshit. I feel it every time the relic malfunctions. It's getting worse every day. And every time you have an attack, there's always that thought that you're gonna croak before you mean to. Shit scares me too, y'know.'</em></p><p>    What scared him? V or himself expiring because of this hopeless situation? Johnny's gaze slid back over to V, then dropped to the floor. He got a glimpse of vulnerability in Johnny's face before the aviators were slid back on and the scowl returned to its rightful place. V half expected Johnny to flicker out of view after that. Instead, he just stood there, arms crossed and staring moodily at the floor.</p><p>    "I'm so fucking terrified." V choked out in a half whisper half sob. He didn't mean for it to come out like that. The words coming out at all triggered some unwanted yet predisposed feelings to come to light in the form of choked off sobbing and tears, at least to the air around them—to River if he was awake listening. V was somewhat relieved to feel the arm around him tighten.</p><p>   He didn't want to die. At first, he was scared, desperate to save his skin from the invader in his brain. When Viktor told him his days were numbered, that it was unlikely there'd be any way to remove the biochip without instantaneously killing himself, he felt hopeless. Like the walls were closing in and he was suffocating. Then Johnny had to pop in and slap some sense into him. For a while, V had been running on spite and spite alone to purge the nuisance that felt the need to antagonize him at every corner.</p><p>    Then River, and Judy, and the Aldecaldos happened. And Johnny was beginning to feel more like a friend nowadays. Flatlining and leaving them all behind, or potentially leaving Johnny to wander aimlessly in the abyss past the Blackwall left a shitty taste in his mouth.</p><p>    Everything was so fucked up.</p><p>   <em>'I know, kid.' </em>said Johnny.</p><p>   "You'll be okay." River whispered into V's hair.</p><p>    V continued to sob.</p><p>  </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Here it is! :D</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>  He didn't remember going back to sleep, but when he woke up a second time, it was to the smell of fresh coffee and a grumbling stomach. After sitting up, V noticed River's side of the bed was empty. He scanned the room in a quick sweep—he was alone. So River must have been up and about in the kitchen.</p><p>  V spotted himself in the reflection of River's door while he untangled himself from the bedding and frowned. V was a mess, he smelled like copper and sweat and his face was stiff with dried tears. His mouth was full of cotton, his throat sore with overuse from weeping far into the wee hours of the morning. He definitely looked as shitty as he felt.</p><p>   River did his best cleaning the blood from his face, but there was only so much he could do about his hair—a bit matted and crusted over with coagulated blood— without tossing V in the shower. River had switched him into one of the t-shirts V left in his closet a while back, and an old pair of sweatpants that were way too big and constantly slipped from his hips no matter how wide they were. River insisted that V wearing his overlarge sweatpants was cute, especially when he had to pull them up almost constantly to maintain his dignity. He begged to differ. The guy severely needed to invest in a new drawstring. Or a shoelace.</p><p>  He rubbed the tackiness and sleep from his eyes and slid his legs off the side of the bed, getting to his feet more quickly than someone experiencing something so similar to advanced brain cancer should have.</p><p>    It was almost weird how silent River was in bed last night. No probing questions and the only reassurance given was him telling V that he would be okay. Even after Johnny receded into his head, and he turned in River's arms to stifle his crying into the man's chest, River said nothing the entire time. Just shushed V's hiccupping breaths and rubbed slow patterns into his back until V tuckered himself out.</p><p>   Fuck, and he was still so damn tired.</p><p>   '<em>Now that was a pathetic fuckin' display if I ever saw one.'</em></p><p>  Johnny popped into view spread out on River's desk chair. V guessed that he was being glowered at from behind those stupid aviators.</p><p>   "Wow," V said aloud, walking past Johnny towards the wardrobe to find some better pants, "What happened to the solemn Johnny with actual feelings from last night?"</p><p>   <em>'He delta'd the hell out after the two-hour mark of your pity party.'</em></p><p>    Turns out all of River's sleep pants lacked a waistband tight enough to fit V's slender frame and V apparently never bothered to store anything more than his favorite jeans. His input wasn't just being a slightly manipulative gonk about the sweatpants.</p><p>   '<em>I'd call you a dick, but that one's wearing itself out.'</em></p><p>   <em>'And I'd call you a pussy, but that one's been reserved for one Kerry Eurodyne since 2020.'</em></p><p>   <em>'The fuck's your problem right now?!'</em></p><p>   V shut the wardrobe a little too hard after begrudgingly grabbing his jeans to glare at Johnny but he was suddenly leaning against the dresser. <em>Just stay in one fucking place or just </em><em><b>walk</b></em><em>! Prick.</em></p><p>    '<em>My problem is you won't fucking trust me!'</em> Which hadn't been true for several days now, <em>'Alt's got a plan to separate us. I already told ya I'd make things right, didn't I? Shit's hard enough when you're in the passenger's seat.'</em></p><p>   A cigarette manifested in Johnny's hand, he took a drag and the delayed feeling of disappointment draped itself over the pair like a wet blanket when there was no relief.</p><p>     The wind under the sails of their budding argument quickly halted after that.</p><p>    '<em>It's bullshit that you don't smoke.' </em>At that point, Johnny's sneer looked more like he was pouting. This guy. This guy V was thinking of as his choom.</p><p>    <em>'It's not bullshit that I care about my body.'</em> The conversation was getting more and more tiring as it wheezed along. V had begun regretting every decision he made in his adult life when he turned away from the vindictive little shit and Johnny had his ass planted on the bed, an irritable little smirk on his face. This apparating nonsense scared the shit out of him sometimes.</p><p>   <em>'Says the guy who bought a pair of tits 'cause he was too lazy to stuff a bra.'</em></p><p>    "Fuck you, Johnny!"</p><p>  V ignored whatever Johnny said after that—something about River that made V sound like a hypocrite—threw on his pants, and headed straight for the bathroom.</p><p>    Or...attempted to.</p><p>    He'd been unfortunate enough to catch Joss's eye just as she was closing the fridge, and as soon as she saw him, she was on him.<br/>
 <br/>
   "V, hey!" She looked almost surprised to see him standing in the hallway as she rushed over and cupped his face between both of her boney, roughened hands. She tilted and turned his head every which way. Even forcing V to look up at the ceiling while she gawked at the blood still crusted and flaking in his nostrils.</p><p>   "Christ," Joss said, noticeably worried, her voice low and tinged with something V couldn't place. She let his head go to instead examine him from the neck down, palms tracing a warm path over his shoulders all the way to his fingertips. Once she was done with her silent assessment she brought her hands back up to his face.</p><p>   "Joss—"</p><p>    "Are you okay? There was so much blood on your shirt, V. And from what River told me I couldn't help but think you'd gotten into some trouble." Her thumbs were gently caressing the soft swell of his cheekbones, and he felt warmed by the open affection.</p><p>   V liked Joss. So much so that if he weren't on a time limit he may have allowed himself to consider her a sister. If he had more time and a more certain future he would've allowed himself more than River's soft voice and warm embrace. From what little he'd seen, Monique and Dorian were great kids—Randy too. Though they hadn't spoken much since he'd last visited the kid at the hospital. There was something here in this little trailer park. Something that could've been good for V.</p><p>   <em>'Mikoshi first, V.'</em> </p><p>    <em>'Shit. Don't I know it.'</em></p><p>  There must have been some worrying look on V's face, or he may have taken too long to answer, because Joss doubled down on the motherly concern. He saw her lips curve into a tired smile, big enough to wrinkle her eyes and fold her laugh lines; but soft enough that he felt something in him lighten.</p><p>   "Come sit down, you want something to drink?" she took his hand in hers and led him to the small table in the corner of the kitchen, sat him down in the same spot he planted himself that first time they met.</p><p>    "River make that coffee?"</p><p>   Joss snorted and rolled her eyes, "One cup of coffee, coming right up." She stepped over to the counter, chuckling to herself knowingly.</p><p>    V could feel his face heating up. He didn't mean it like that! It was just an innocent question. No hidden layers or anything.</p><p>   Well...she didn't say <em>no.</em></p><p>  "And before you ask," she pulled a steel cup from the cabinet, spooned into it some sweetener and too much cream just how V liked—he was surprised she remembered, "River stepped out for groceries. He wanted to start breakfast, but when he went to pull stuff out, the fridge was nearly empty."</p><p>    After pouring her own coffee, she set his piping hot cup in front of him and took a seat at the adjacent chair.</p><p>   "He could've just made breakfast before he left if you ask me."</p><p>  "Where are the kids?" V asked, his hands wrapped around his cup and he immediately realized how frigid his fingers were. His eyes slid down to his hands and he remembered; he hadn't had his natural-born hands for a while now.</p><p>  "It's still really early, you haven't noticed?" Joss paused, her eyelashes fluttering like she was suddenly remembering something, "Oh, well...They're in bed still. A few hours before they're up and terrorizing the house again."</p><p>   "Nice to hear," V usually would've put a bit more effort into being sardonic with that kind of thing, but he found he actually meant it. "I haven't seen them in a while." He looked down at his lap, pondering.</p><p>   "You haven't seen all of us in a while."</p><p>    "I know."</p><p>   Joss reached over and gently slid her hand over V's wrist. Her thumb brushed slow over the seam on his knuckles that separated chrome from artificial flesh. It caught him off guard enough for him to look at her. She wasn't smiling anymore. Not even trying to hide how tired she was.</p><p>   "Joss?"</p><p>   "Whatever's going on, V, make sure you come out of it alive."</p><p>   She sat there, thumb gingerly tracing the seam of his gorilla arm enhancement, looking at him like he was a teenage boy needing to be chastised. He had to hand it to her, she could sniff out bullshit and danger a mile away. There was no point in lying.</p><p>   The thought brought Mama Welles to mind. The breaking of her proud figure during her son's funeral—then Jackie's lifeless eyes boring into him, the content smile on his face when he died. Before the heist, he was so fucking cocksure. V couldn't find it in himself to be confident like that anymore. The situation was too fucked to High Hell for that.</p><p>   Joss's was a look that made V want to promise he would survive. But the only thing he could promise is that he would try his best. So he nodded, a slight incline of his head that he feared wouldn't express how seriously he was taking her request.</p><p>   But he had nothing to worry about. She visibly relaxed, then, and took a sip of her coffee.</p><p>   "Good."</p><p>  *****</p><p>   It was a while before River walked through the front door, plastic bags hanging from his arms in an obvious try at a single trip from the truck.</p><p>   After breakfast, Monique and Dorian demanded all attention from the adults for the good part of an hour before a headache took V out for the count. Worried about a repeat of the previous night, both Joss and River agreed V be taken out for some air.</p><p>   Now, he was settled on the porch steps, a warmly colored textile blanket over his shoulders as he stared unsteadily at Jackie's contact, debating on sending him another voicemail.</p><p>   Bah, fuck it.<br/>
  <br/>
  The automated voice played after the first ring, and when the beep sounded—</p><p>    "Hey, Jack. I..."</p><p>   —V realized he'd run out of things to say.</p><p>   "I...this is so stupid."</p><p>   He hung up, tossed his phone aside, and ignored the burning in his eyes. He was so focused on pushing down the surprisingly intense  <em>longing </em>for his friend that he didn't notice River creep up and sit next to him.</p><p>   "Who's Jack?" River asked, looking straight ahead. He asked the question so casually that V let out an incredulous puff of laughter. The break in his concentration allowed a tear to slip that he quickly wiped away.</p><p>   "His name was Jackie," V said, hating the way his voice wouldn't go louder than a whisper, "Jackie Welles."</p><p>    "And I'm guessing that...he's no longer with us." </p><p>   V made a noise that sounded similar enough to a confirmation. River hummed. Neither of them looked at each other.</p><p>   "I never told you about Jackie, did I?" When River said no, the ache deep in V's chest grew, "I've barely told you a thing about me."</p><p>   "Truth be told, I hardly know you." The words had some strain to them, the truth cutting V something vicious. River didn't deserve this shit. His shit.</p><p>   Why couldn't V be good for him?</p><p>   "Hey," River's arm curled over V's shoulders, pulling the smaller man against him, "Since you're here now, I can start knowing you. Tell me about him. Jackie, I mean."</p><p>   V took a moment to gather his thoughts, to breathe. All the while River sat with him,  rubbing at his shoulder in a firm, grounding motion. Comforting.</p><p>   "I met Jackie doing a smuggling job into the city. To be honest, I didn't like the guy at first," he looked up at River to gauge a reaction to that. V, starting out as a two-bit criminal. It was safe to say talking about those first six months with River of all people made V nervous. But his anxiety was quelled when he saw River was just...looking at him. No judgment, no reaction at all, really.</p><p>   "Why didn't you like him?" Then River smiled all soft in that way that made V melt, and V wanted to kiss him so badly just then.</p><p>   "Guy was unprofessional. You'd think he didn't run with the Valentinos a good portion of his life. 'Kept asking me questions like," in his best Jackie impression, "<em>Are you sure they'll take the bribe? They won't question the papers?</em>" he laughed unabashed in light of his terrible accent. But a little inaccuracy never hurt anybody.</p><p>   "He was shaking his knee the whole drive. Choom couldn't have been more nervous. Anyway, we get to the border, I put in the request, slide in the bribe, and we still get caught. Honestly should have expected things to turn out that way. We just got lucky I'm a good shot and Jackie was a decent getaway driver."</p><p>   The hand on V's shoulder slid up and tangled into the roots of his hair, the resulting scalp massage had his eyes fluttering closed in bliss, like River's hands could chase away all the sad things. He leaned into the touch and sighed, tugging the blanket tighter around himself.</p><p>   "My clan had recently split up. I had nothin' keeping me out in the Badlands, so I thought it would be a good idea to try something in Night City. After we got the merchandise through, I thought we'd be going our separate ways. Jackie didn't see things that way though. He thought we worked well together, so he offered me a spot in his own family."</p><p>   "And you took it."</p><p>  "Yeah," V said, hushed and breathy, and just like that he couldn't speak any louder anymore, "Jackie was my best friend, River. He saw some grimy desert blazing kid and thought, 'Hey, I wanna chase my fortune with this guy.' And look where that got him."</p><p>    "It wasn't your fault."</p><p>    "How the hell do you know?"</p><p>    "Because stuff like that usually doesn't fall on one person." River's ministrations turned to combing his fingers through V's hair. At this point, V had given in and let River pull him into his lap, and it was especially hard to lose his temper with a gentle hand in his hair while he sat across the surprising comfort of River's legs.</p><p>   "It was all on me to take the job that killed him. The job that's got a fucking chip in my head killing me."</p><p>    River, understandably, stopped moving altogether to process that piece of information.</p><p>   "What?" He said with utmost eloquence, disbelief furrowing his brow as he looked at V in something akin to worry. An underreaction if V had anything to say about that.</p><p>    So, he told River about everything.</p><p>   He told River about the chip, about Yorinobu killing Saburo, about Dexter Deshawn killing him. He told him about Johnny, Alt, the Net. And he told him that if he didn't get the biochip out of his head soon, V would die, and Johnny would take over.</p><p>   By the time V finished,  they were a couple beers in and it was midday. The crease in River's brow showed no sign of smoothing out anytime soon.</p><p>   "The state you found me in last night, it wasn't normal. Which means I'm getting worse."</p><p>   River's arms encased him then, forcing his body to squish against River's front almost uncomfortably. But River didn't let him go,  he just held V against him tightly. And V didn't fight it.</p><p>   Neither of them said anything for a long time. Then...</p><p>    "I don't know what you want me to do with this, V. I wasn't just talking when I told you I wanted something with you." Muttering the words over his head, River sounded winded, like he was gonna topple over and collapse any second, but his hold on V didn't relent.<br/>
 <br/>
"Am I a shitty person for knowing I was dying even before everything with us?"</p><p>  "You said there's probably a safe way to get you out of this, right?"</p><p>  "That's what Alt said, yeah."</p><p>"I'm not as angry as I probably should be. Fuck, I'm not angry at all! I just...I...is there any way I can help?"</p><p>  V played with the thought a moment, traipsing about Night City on one last stand against Arasaka, finding a new body for Johnny, then riding off into the sunset. It made him chuckle.</p><p>   "No. You gotta be here for your family. This is something me and Johnny have to figure out."<br/>
   <br/>
  When River didn't respond, V wriggled in his grasp, cupped his face in his hands so he could look him in the eye.</p><p>    River met his gaze, and a part of V broke inside. Unable to swat away the hopeless thought that there was no point in fighting. That he'd lose everything regardless of how much he kicked and screamed. How much he begged for his life.</p><p>   Some of that hopelessness reflected in River's eyes, no matter how much he tried to school stoic indifference onto his expression.</p><p>  "I already made a promise that I'd come back to you guys," V channeled all the conviction he could into those words, just so River had something to hold onto. So he himself had something to keep him going.</p><p>
  <em>   'You gotta fuckin' trust me, V. Trust Alt. I'll make sure you get back to him once everything's said and done.'</em>
</p><p>   Despite that, V couldn't chase away the dread. Couldn't shake the thought things wouldn't go as any of them expect. That's how it was.</p><p>    Nothing went right for people like him in Night City.</p><p>  "Whatever happens, we'll make the most of it. I'll come back to you."</p><p>   "I believe you, V."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>That got sad...really sad actually. Am I projecting? Because I kinda hated all the endings ngl.</p><p>I also hated that River's path is the least interactive Romance out of all four options. Unless he glitched tf out in my save and just ceased all function. &gt;:/</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thinking of doing a bonus chapter where they actually talk about this shit. └(T_T;)┘</p></blockquote></div></div>
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